Whether you like it or not, small talk is an important part of building new relationships everywhere you go. Small talk is a crucial skill that helps you build professional connections with your colleagues, management, and clients.
So, if staying in the elevator with a stranger is your worst nightmare, read on for tips and tricks on how to make small talk in a way that makes you connect rather than cringe.
What is Small Talk?
Small talk is a short, informal conversation with people you don’t know very well. It can happen in a professional environment (in the office), at a social event (a wedding reception), or in a public space (at a playground).
But one thing is the same: the goal of small talk is to make a good impression!
Beyond that, small talk is not a game you have to win – rather a collaboration between the parties to keep the conversation flowing.
In this article, we will focus on professional small talk because it can affect your life and career the most. We will cover how to initiate a conversation, sustain it, and then finish it with elegance.
Professional Small Talk Situations
- Small talk between you and your colleagues:
Your workplace community and the relationships within the team can define how you cooperate on projects. It can make or break the results, especially when you work at a global company, with people from various languages and cultures.
For example, at NIX we not only work with global clients, but our community at the office also consists of many international colleagues who all need to coexist.
- Small talk between you and your managers:
Small talk can also influence your career. Promotions a lot of times depend not only on the skills and achievements of employees but also on how they communicate and interact with others.
That’s why the people who chat on breaks and build friendships are usually seen as better leaders or more proactive coworkers. They look like someone who is great to work with and so they often become managers.
- Small talk between you and your clients:
As a general rule, people buy from people they trust and like. If you go to a conference or job fair, you’ll talk to potential clients or employees all day long, and have to build rapport quickly. The stakes are high: potential new projects and collaborations are on the line!
How to Make Small Talk
1. Be curious!
Show up with an “I’m interested in you” mindset.
Notice how your conversation partner behaves, who they are, and how might they feel about certain small talk topics. Pay attention to what they say (active listening!), so you can ask relevant questions and make them feel comfortable and understood, so they might open up to you on a deeper level.
Extra tip: If you’ve learned a second language, remember what you talked about on the first lessons! It’s a good idea to choose from those simple questions first: what’s your name, where are you from, etc.
2. Let them share what they want!
Don’t ask deeply personal questions. If they share that they have lost a loved one, express your sorry and empathy, but don’t ask how many people were at the funeral, or who will inherit the house.
3. Ask open-ended questions!
But remember, you are not interviewing the other person, you are trying to have a natural conversation. And part of it is that you also share facts about yourself and ask yes-no questions. If the other person wants to talk to you, they will continue beyond the short answer anyway.
4. Respect boundaries!
If your partner says “I’m sorry, but I’d rather not talk about this topic…” quickly acknowledge their request and change. And if they don’t match the mood or look like they want to escape the conversation entirely, politely say goodbye, and be on your way.
5. Focus on relevant topics!
Relevant to the particular situation, your partner, and your relationship. That’s why now we’ll share the top small talk topics to avoid at all costs, and also the top small talk ideas that can grow into great conversations. Let’s go!
The Worst Small Talk Topics
It’s easier to first list the small talk conversation topics you should NOT discuss with someone you aren’t close to. In general, if a topic is too controversial, personal, or sensitive, it’s better to stay clear of it.
Money
Anything about salaries, how much the other person earns or spends, is a big no. It can build negative emotions very quickly.
Politics
We all love to share our worldviews, but small talk is not the time or place to do so. It can easily lead to debate or argument, which is not a direction you want to take.
Religion
The same goes for religion: it is not a good idea to discuss your beliefs.
Intimate details of personal life
Partners, sexual orientation, divorce – anything deeply personal is not a stranger’s business to know about.
Party/alcohol/drugs
In a professional setting, this topic can cast a bad light on you. If you’re at a more informal event, for example, making small talk at a birthday party with someone you don’t know, that’s a different thing, of course.
Health
Discussing a recent cold or influenza virus is fine, especially if it affects a lot of people in the world or your environment. For example, Covid was a common experience for millions of people, so discussing it was normal at the time. But don’t go into explaining about your liver surgery!
The Best Small Talk Topics
And now on to the fun part! Here is the list of small talk topics that most people enjoy discussing.
Work-related topics
The most common and obvious small talk topics for work are about work. Depending on your profession, you can also discuss more specific topics, for example, about software development. However, small talk is not the place to talk about every single subject in your IT resume!
- What do you think about this meeting?
- How do you like your new project?
- So many people in the kitchen today!
- Are you planning to go to this corporate event?
Food and drinks
Almost everyone loves drinking and eating. Here are some conversation starter examples:
- What are your favorite dishes?
- Which pizza do you prefer?
- What are you planning to order?
- Do you like seafood?
Family
If you already know your small talk partner a bit and know that this is a topic they’d enjoy, you can ask:
- How old are your kids?
- How is your wife?
Sports
Sports-related topics for small talk are not always good ideas because they can involve deep emotions (we all know die-hard fans…). But this can also be a safe topic if you don’t share harsh opinions on the other’s favorite team or the decisions of the judge.
- Have you seen the match last night?
- Do you play any sports?
- Do you plan to watch the Olympics?
Free time activities and hobbies
To connect on a personal level, talking about life outside of work is essential.
Here are some small talk examples:
- What do you like to do in your free time?
- What did you do this weekend?
- I like shopping/knitting/playing basketball. Do you?
- What kind of music do you listen to?
Vacation
Especially in the summer and winter seasons when most people take days off, these are relevant small talk topics to discuss.
- Did you travel somewhere during the summer?
- What are your plans for your upcoming holidays?
- Are you planning to travel abroad this year?
The weather
A classic small talk opener. It mostly makes sense in countries with more seasons where the weather is changing a lot.
- It’s cold today, right?
- Do you like the snow?
- Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
- Are you more of a winter or summer person?
- This wind is terrible…
Clothes, hairstyle, nails, etc.
Complimenting the other’s taste in how they dress or look is a great conversation opener, especially among women. Find something you genuinely like about them, and say it. But watch out: if you try too hard or lie, it is worse than staying silent…
Small talk examples:
- I love your nails! Where did you do them?
- I love this color on you! Where did you buy this dress?
- I see you have a new hairstyle! Looks great!
TV shows, Netflix series, podcasts, books
Anything you’ve watched or heard lately can be great small talk topics. People love entertainment and stories so these can be absolute winners.
- Have you seen this show? I really recommend it…
- Oh, this reminds me of a character from this series…
- Have you read this book? How did you like it?
- This topic reminds me of a story I have read recently…
The news
Without controversial topics, you can still discuss anything that is going on in your environment.
- There was an accident nearby. Have you heard about it?
- I heard that the government will introduce new taxes. What are your thoughts?
- I think the metro is not going today. Will you take the bus home?
Animals and nature
Talking about our favorite companions or nature is among the best small talk ideas. It is harmless, fun, and can show a person’s soft spot.
- I have seen a cute dog today! Do you like animals?
- Do you prefer cats or dogs more?
- Do you have any animals at home?
- Nice flowers on your desk! Is this your favorite type?
Culture
Especially in an international environment, it is important to learn more about the other’s culture, such as national holidays, language, or food.
- How do you say that in your language?
- Do you celebrate Christmas? How do you celebrate Easter?
- What is your favorite *national* food?
Watch out!
Different cultures can also influence our attitude towards certain small talk topics.
For example, in the US, “How are you?” is only a polite greeting. They don’t actually want to hear about your day or feelings! The automatic response is “Good, and you?” then you move on to business.
Meanwhile in most European cultures, “How are you?” is a great conversation opener because people will actually tell you about themselves “Oh, I’m feeling a bit tired today, I had trouble sleeping last night…” or “I’m a bit hungry actually. Do you wanna grab a bite?”
Pro tip:
If you have an issue with starting conversations, there are even icebreaker card games to help you come up with interesting questions and small talk topics. Just be careful to still use them in relevant situations!
How to Keep the Conversation Going
A conversation depends on both sides, so it’s also your job to reply in detail and avoid one-word responses. Give a chance to your partner to ask you meaningful questions!
However, as a general rule, don’t be scared of silence. It’s better to think before replying to a tough question than to say something bad fast. And you definitely don’t need to force a small talk that is not going well…
But, if you find a topic, you both are happy to discuss, you can encourage the other with phrases like:
- Tell me more!
- Give me some more details!
- What did you mean about that point?
If you want to change the subject, to discuss a more important business issue, you can use these small talk examples:
- This was a very interesting topic, let’s discuss it later in detail! Now, I actually have a question about our latest project…
- Oh, I just remembered that I had a question for you regarding…
- Alright, so I invited you all to this meeting to discuss…
How To End a Conversation
We’ve all been there when our small talk partner just doesn’t understand social cues and leaving seems impossible!
For such occasions, here are some polite ways to end a small talk:
- Getting a coffee: wait for a pause in the conversation, and then say: “It was really nice meeting you, but I’m gonna go grab a coffee now! I’ll see you around!“
- Having a meeting: If there is no pause, be more assertive. “I hate to cut you off, but I just remembered that I will have a meeting soon. But I’d love to continue this conversation later! Let’s keep in touch!”
- Looking at the clock: “I’m so sorry, I just realized that I’m running late for something, but I’d love to catch the end of the story later!”
- Using a bathroom break: “Sorry to interrupt your story, but I have to use the restroom before my next meeting. It was great to catch up, I’ll see you around!”
These are just some examples of small talk that you can use, any other polite excuse will do. Even if you’d still like to continue, if you see nonverbal cues that your partner needs to finish the conversation (they look at their phone, fidget, etc.), help them out by saying these first.
How to Get Better at Small Talk
Think up topics in advance
You can even make a list of questions or small talk ideas, but you can also list your answers to the most common topics.
For example, you will definitely encounter such questions as “What is your favorite movie or book?”. Don’t be the “I don’t know” person!
If it’s too difficult to choose, pick the top 3 that you would be happy to talk about.
Listen first, talk later
If you join a group of people, see the dynamics first and engage in the conversation only when you are confident that your thoughts will fit the mood and will be welcomed.
Laugh, when they laugh
If you don’t catch a joke completely, still smile or make a small, polite laugh, so you can move on. Watch out, this mostly works if you join a group. If you make small talk with one person only, it’s better to say “Sorry, can you repeat? I didn’t catch that!”.
Practice, practice, practice
Small talk can be truly awkward and uncomfortable. Don’t let one bad experience deter you! Keep leaving your comfort zone, and build your confidence by trying it again and again. You’ve got this!
How to Avoid Small Talk
If you run out of small talk topics with a person or simply don’t know how to engage with them, just smile, say hello, and then walk away purposefully. It will not be considered rude if you nonverbally indicate that you cannot talk.
Unless they actually stop you to ask a question, most people will not talk to you, if they see you in a hurry, or holding a laptop, and have “I’m busy” vibes. But, as a last resort, you can always say “I’m sorry, I cannot talk right now. I’ll catch up with you later!”.
Did you find our tips on small talk useful? Would you like to try them out at an international client meeting, or in our office? 😉
Then don’t hesitate to apply for our IT jobs and join our team!
